Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
