Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
