i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
