Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
