Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She bit a glass in half.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize