There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
