Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
