I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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