forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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