there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
