if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
