I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
