Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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