guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
