First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
