I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
