Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
