I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
