This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
