Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
