I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
