My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
