I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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