You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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