Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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