i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
