I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
