No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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