The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Randomize
