I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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