i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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