Plan B is the new Plan A
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Randomize
