You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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