Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize