i wish starbucks made bloody marys
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
