He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
