Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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