I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
