You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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