u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
