Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
