ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
