Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
