i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize