I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
