I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
