he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
