Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
