u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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