drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
