you traded sex for a burrito?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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