I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
