I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize