You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm passing your future prison.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
