Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
and i looked up. we had an audience...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
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