sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
