my mouth tastes like poor choices
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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