So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
