Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
