If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
