Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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