After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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