take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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