Yo dont text me then not text me
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
